Zero F**ks Given

I want to say that I have changed, that I've been better, that I am doing good. I want to say that I've been brave, I've been trying. I know that I have succeeded in a certain extend in all of those. But I don't have the confidence in myself to tell others because to them it might not be enough. Really though, we should not feel the need to validate ourselves to others. Whatever is it we are doing, we should be doing it for ourselves and not others.

Someone I once knew told me that I should have more confidence in myself. That I should be doing things for myself, to make myself happy and not others.

There are hundreds upon hundreds of videos and articles about why we should not succumb to the forces of society and let them judge the shit out of us. We read and watch, watch and read over and over again, but we never do anything about it. We allow ourselves to be bothered about society's standards and stereotypes because we want to fit in. I admit that I am guilty of it too.

And then there is social media, people only tend to portray the nicer part of their lives. so when you are down and out and you scroll through endless feeds, all you see is 1) food 2) happy couple 3) pets 4) holidays. ALL THE THINGS YOU CAN'T HAVE RIGHT NOW. And again we start to look at our lives and compare it to others.


But why is it that we cannot be satisfied with the lives we currently have? The blessings that we are enjoying? I agree that we should never be too comfortable with our lives because we would plateau and no one wants that. But why do we fail to appreciate the things we have. the simple things, the basics.

I used to be so damn dependent on people around me for validation. If the clothes I'm wearing is nice or in trend, if my make up is on point, how would others judge me for my appearance and even the life that I seem to have. I fear that people would judge me if they knew what was going through my head all the time.  Then I noticed that it was the people who gave zero fucks about what others think that are happier.


ANDDDDD. I tried. I tried being the kind of person who does what I like, as long I can live with it. i.e. whatever that I say or do. And walking down the streets like I am going to kill everyone in my way is kinda fun and addictive. I don't know if it's confidence because no one knows me, and they are going to judge anyway or if I'm really just starting to have more of it in me.


I don't know what is the point of this post and I think its kinda incoherent but I just felt like writing some stuff on such a sucky day. Hate cramps really ;(



oh give no fucks but still be nice when you can. ;)